One would think I'd have something good to write about for my final January post, but that is not the case. I am ready for a new month to start. I know there have been worse months and I know many people have it far worse, but I am not fond of January 2010. There were some high points, but for most of it I was sick and the boys were sick and we are still not feeling great. Not a great way to spend a month.
And now I'm trying to write a final January post when I've taken sinus headache medicine that makes me want to just pass out. I can barely form a cohesive thought. Or coherent thought. I think it's coherent, but I'm not sure. I'll figure it out when I re-read this tomorrow and be embarrassed. Awesome.
I know I write a lot about love, but it is something I think about a lot. I was reading a book this past week and in it one of the characters mentioned the old "You can't choose who you love" thing in reference to clearly one-sided relationship. I've always hated that line. Of course you can choose who you love. Maybe you can't choose who you are attracted, like a certain 'type' of person always catches your interest. Maybe you can't choose who you are supposed to love, like your family. But you can choose with whom you let yourself fall in love.
I read this in Ephesians a few weeks ago and I've gone back and read it numerous times since:
"Observe how Christ loved us. His love was not cautious but extravagant. He didn't love in order to get something from us but to give everything of himself to us. Love like that. " (Ephesians 5:2, The Message)
I know I was raised on Bible stories and religious concepts, but I think this is so difficult for me to grasp. So often this concept is lost somewhere in between all the lists of things a person must do to "be a good Christian." It is so easy to forget that we are loved so deeply by someone who is so amazing that we could never hope to be able to do anything for him or give anything to him that even comes close to reciprocating.
The closest my mind can even come to understanding this is when I think about how I love my kids. They can be SO frustrating and terrible and aggravating and whiny, and yet, I would never push them away or deny them affection or love because of it. They are still my kids and I still love them so much no matter what their behavior. But still....
Okay. My mind is going to sleep so I need to stop typing. I'll have to pick this up later. So long, January. Good riddance.