Tangled

I finally got a lot of that craziness out of my head, but now I'm sick and still have two sick kids. Goodness... what a week. So for now I will post a poem I've been working on. I'm not exactly happy with it. I know it needs work, but I'm not sure what to change. I guess that makes it a good candidate for a rework post in the future?

I'm here
picking at tangled knots.
My thoughts are a mess
of threads.
The parts I've unraveled
are coiled neatly
on the floor.
What remains
tangles faster
than I can untie.
It seems hopeless.
Maybe I'm better off
just going to sleep.

Peripheral

Sometimes we just lose things along the way. Maybe more important things take the place of those things. Maybe we block them out. Maybe we are careless and forget. I wish I knew so I could prevent it at will, because it seems like I've somehow lost my ability to write. Okay, I am writing right now. I'm typing and words are forming on the screen, but I don't want to just write. I want to write something good. Something meaningful or witty or amusing or insightful. I've been trying, but it's not happening. Somewhere in all my working like a crazy person to meet deadlines and worrying about sick kids and sadness over co-workers losing their jobs and lots of other things I won't list out here, I lost it. I hope I find it again soon, because this is getting pretty darn frustrating.

On a completely random and unrelated note, it was an amazingly beautiful day today. Sunny and crisp and almost 70 degrees. If I had only one wish (after wishing for a million more wishes, of course) I would wish that all of winter in Ohio would be like today. Except for maybe the week of Christmas, which could be 30 and sunny and snowy. I think many things would be much improved with more days like today between October 1st and springtime. Maybe I could even find some inspiration for writing. *sigh*

So here is one poem I've managed to come up with. I'm not happy with it, but I need to get back to posting some poetry. Here ya go:


My eyes keep shifting.
Not shifty.
Just shifting to
look at something
previously marginalized
but now screaming
for attention.
Something
formerly peripheral.
Now I see it
in focus.

Fracturing

Since rambling about my complete distraction when it comes to my life's purpose isn't getting me anywhere, I'll change the subject. I went to a writing workshop yesterday and we wrote with music playing while looking at pictures. Here is one of the things I wrote. I was going to post a description of the photo, but I think I'll wait a few days.

I was trying to get closer
to the brightest spot.
To where everyone else
was looking.
So brilliant.
So beautiful.
Shards of light
fracturing out from
the blinding center.
No one else wants
to look away.
But my eyes are
pulled to the shadows.

Blinded

It was completely strange to not have to stay up writing last night. I kept having this nagging feeling that I was forgetting to do something important and then I would remember that I was not forgetting to do something. That I was free from having to write. For as long as I wanted.

But yesterday morning as I was driving to work I was thinking of other things and still my mind drifted to something I should write. Not sure if it works the way I hope it does, but here it is: (This really does happen to me almost every morning, but it's not exactly what I'm talking about here.)

I turn the corner and
the sun glares
off the windshield,
blinding.
I continue driving
though I cannot see the road
or the lines
or the guardrail.
I accelerate toward the
shadow of treeline.
I know it's there.
And I know I can see again
when I get there.

Something

Oh my goodness. I've worked on two other posts tonight and determined they were not close to being okay to post. I have this poem from a couple weeks ago that I don't think I've posted before. I'm going to post it now because it's all I have. At least it's something.

I need something.
Sleep, for certain,
but also reassurance.
I want to be strong
and self-reliant
and care not.
But...
Oh, how the doubts
creep in and
crowd that out.
I want rest
and words
and confidence.
But I need something.
Else.

Dear Insomnia

Oh my. It is so late (early) and I am so tired, yet wide awake. And I have a headache. And I have to get up in a few hours. Great time to try for a post. This is all I have for now. It's not so great. I probably wouldn't even post it were it not 2:23 AM....

Insomnia, my dear friend.
I cannot sleep because
of all the questions.
I don't know.
I do not know.
I wish I knew.
All true, but I need answers,
not catch phrases.
The wondering and
the thinking and
the worrying get me
nowhere.
I still don't know.

Trying Something New

I received an email observing that my poems tend to be full of tension, but perspective-free. I think this was a good observation. I'm going to try to put a point of view or character in my poems for a while and see what happens. This is my first attempt. I think I partially failed, but that means I partially succeeded, so that's something. Maybe. Not sure.

Sitting in traffic.
Red light.
Windows half-down
but still running the
air conditioner
because there is no breeze.
Reaching to turn up the stereo,
but then distracted
by the girl on her cell phone
in the car next to me.
She is talking loud.
Too loud.
And maybe crying.
What happened to her today?
What happened too all these people today?
We're all trying to get
to the next place
but the stupid traffic lights
make us wait.
And listen.
And wonder.