Girl, Put Your Records On

Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song,
You go ahead, let your hair down.
- Corrine Bailey Rae

"Put Your Records On" is one of those songs that just makes you happy to listen to it. Even if it's not really your kind of music. (In my opinion, of course.) If you've never heard it, well, the lyrics really aren't all that great just by themselves. They really need the music with them. It's kind of weird that I am even beginning this post with a song excerpt from a song that isn't one of my favorites, but it's not as though I never warn people that I'm crazy. Crazy people do things that don't really make any sense.

I was on my way to work the other day, when I realized that I don't really know if I like a CD until I listen to it in the car. I just have so little time to really sit and listen to music without distraction, that my 45 minute round-trip commute has become my music booth time. When I get new music, I do try to listen to it at home, but it just seems like I can never focus on it. I may notice that I really like some of the music, but until I can listen to all the lyrics too, I don't know if I actually like a song. I have to like both the lyrics and the music with them or I can't officially like it.

So, for fun, I thought I would post some of the lyrics to some of my favorite songs. Some of these are songs I used to skip over on a CD, but then I listened to them in the car and found a song I couldn't live without. Sorry if this is boring to anyone reading it, but it's fun for me and since this is my blog....

A Fine Frenzy - From the song 'New Heights'
"From your lips, a precipice. I hang on every word"
Great imagery yet so simple. I love it.

Sara Bareilles - From the song 'One Sweet Love'
"The earth that is the space between, I'd banish it from under me...to get to you... Your unexpected love provides my solitary's Suicide...oh I wish I knew"
The lyrics remind me so much of an Emily Dickinson poem.

Jennifer Knapp - From the song 'A Little More'
"With all this motivation I still find a hesitation.... Deep in my soul.... Despite all my demanding I still find You understanding..." To me this speaks to so many things in my relationship with God. That struggle with my shortcomings and His grace. What a great song.

Jack Johnson - From 'If I Had Eyes'
I love the whole chorus so I'm just going to post it all.
"Sometimes time doesn't heal, no not at all. Just stands still, while we fall -- In or out of love, again I doubt I'm gonna win you back when you've got eyes like that that won't let me in. Always looking out."

Ingrid Michaelson - From 'Maybe'
"I don't wanna be the first to let it go,
But I know, I know, I know.
If you have the last hands that I want to hold,
Then I know I've got to let them go"
This was really true of my relationship with my husband, although I won't pretend I was that wise when I broke up with him in college on my 20th birthday weekend. I will say that us taking time to figure out who we were and what we really wanted was the best thing for us. Oh, and he has the last hands that I want to hold. Ingrid Michaelson is a lyrical genius.

Okay. That's enough for now. No, there was no point to this post, other than sharing some of the music I'm listening to or have often listened to. I also have a lot of Lisa Loeb lyrics I love, but WAY back I did a whole Lisa Loeb post, which can be found here.

Um.... The End.

Winter, How I Hate You

I have a very busy day today. And I have to go out in the cold. Again.

So, another poem for now. The music post will have to wait.

I will not mask
my bitter disdain.
Your chill engulfs
my every pore
and makes my
skin writhe in pain.
Each abbreviated day
hastens me to madness
and I despise your
endless nights.
How wretched you are,
earth's white sanctuary.

Kill the Lights

I am working on a more fun post, but it's not finished. And it is late. And I am tired. This is what I have for now.

Kill the lights
and stand motionless
in the dark room.
Blink until silhouettes
start to reveal
the landscape.
Eeny-Miny a path
and start taking steps.
Any way will do
when you can't see
where you're going.

Live Creatively, Friends

Live creatively, friends... Make a careful exploration of who you are and the work you have been given, and then sink yourself into that. Don't be impressed with yourself. Don't compare yourself with others. Each of you must take responsibility for doing the creative best you can with your own life. - From Galatians 6 in The Message


I love, love, love this passage. I really think that so much of my own discontent is rooted in my comparing myself to others. I'm not as liberal as her. I'm not as conservative as him. I'm not as professional as him. I'm not as free-spirited as her. I'm not as quiet, loud, fun, serious, reserved, confident, caring, calloused, fashionable, or care-free. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not. I'm pretty sure that type of thinking is misguided, at best.

So what if I can't do a lot of things. So what if I'm different from a lot of people. If I was just like other people, what would be the point of my life? I just find this thought so freeing -- Sink myself into my own work and do the creative best I can with the life I have. I don't have to wish I was different. I don't have to try to be like other people. I just have to figure out what I should be doing and focus on that. I just have to be me.

Easier said than done, but saying it is a start.

More Craziness. Why Not?

I'm not sure if it is okay for me to have a very favorite blog post of all my blog posts, but if it is, this one right here is it. I don't know why, since it is basically just putting a tiny sliver of my insanity out there for everyone to see. I guess it's that I actually sat down and wrote it all out like that so that I could clearly see why it takes me so long to get ready for anything.

This craziness is not limited to going out, however. Even something as simple as getting and drinking a cup of coffee on a weekend morning is usually a huge production. I will pour the coffee and heat it up in the microwave so it will still be hot even after I add half-and-half. Since it is out of sight for 30 seconds, I start to do something else. The something else is often checking my email and then one of the boys sees that my attention is not on them so he will ask for something. I will get that and then the other boy will want it too so I have to fill that request. I'll notice the fire needs stoked so I'll add some wood to it. Then I'll see that our the stack of wood in our wood alcove is getting low, so, not wanting to have to be bringing wood in after dark, I'll put on my coat and gloves and carry in several loads of wood.

What was I doing? Oh... coffee... right. I will have to heat it back up for a few seconds, but this time I will stay by the microwave and get it out as soon as it is hot. I'll add half-and-half and start sipping (no, I didn't forget the sugar, I only drink my coffee with cream). I'll think about what I need to do next. Then I'll have to help the boys with something else. Then I'll remember I need to wash Ryan's CT scrubs so I'll go to the laundry room with my coffee and set it down on the counter in there. I'll switch over the wet laundry to the dryer and start the load of scrubs (hopefully remembering I'm not supposed to use fabric softener). The boys will start fighting over something since I'm out of sight, so I will intervene.

Once they are playing nice again, I'll start straightening up and then maybe try again to check my email. Then I'll remember the dishwasher needs to be unloaded and start working on that. Around this time I'll start to wonder why I'm getting a headache. Oh. It's because I haven't had more than a couple sips of coffee. Hmmm.... if I could only find my coffee mug.

Blue Ink

I always write in black ink. There is something about writing in any other color that seems to make it look less sincere to me. Occasionally I will have to write something down and can only find a blue pen, but I will often go back and re-write it later in black ink if it is something I need to keep or look at with much frequency.

I've been writing in my sketchbook a lot. I keep it on the stand next to my bed and write poems or craziness in it when I can't sleep. All this rambling is just leading up to a poem I wrote a few weeks ago. The pen I usually use had vanished and I grabbed another one. I jotted a few words and realized that it was blue ink, but it kinda worked so I went with it. This poem is the only thing written in my sketchbook that is not in black ink.

Bare windows let
Daybreak's light seep in
to illuminate dull objects.
The side table items were
all witness to midnight promises and pleas
for sleep to come.
But now I'm writing in blue ink
and the light is melting any recall
of how I should
be new today.
I sense recurrence
when the sun
next disappears.

Crash and Burn

So.... here I am. Day 4. I've already realized that I am failing at my attempt. I just don't seem to have "it" any more. Not that I previously had these amazing things to write about every time I blogged, but I didn't usually obsess over how terrible I thought my work was for hours after I'd posted. I feel like I come up with an idea for a post and mull it over in my head, but when I go to write it, the whole theme just falls apart. Then I end up posting some jumbled nonsense that barely resembles the idea I had previously formed in my mind.

What to do, what to do? I don't want to throw in the towel already, but I also don't know what I'll do if I reach the end of the month and feel like I wasn't able to come up with at least a few decent posts. Grrrr..... stupid writer's block or writer's cramp or whatever this is called.

My friend Irena and I were talking about how much easier it was to write in college because, even if you weren't writing about a subject that interested you, you at least had lots of varying mental stimulation from all the different subjects you're studying at once. There is something about the daily routine of a job and a life where you do basically the same thing day after day that just crushes part of your creativity. And it's not like I do data entry for a living (no offense to any data entry people). I have a pretty interesting job where I get to work with people in all aspects of our company and delve into issues to determine what happened with things that I previously knew nothing about. It's not a mindless job, yet it's still like I can feel it sucking the creativity right out of me.

I guess I'll keep at it for now. Maybe I can find some things to read for inspiration. Maybe I can find a way to write in complete thoughts that go together and make sense. Maybe.