Monday, January 4, 2010

Stay or Go Away

To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. ~Doménico Cieri Estrada

Since I started this blog, I've written a few posts about my boys. Not many, mind you, as this is a place for me to write my thoughts and practice my writing and is not a mommy blog. I have not written any posts about my husband. Other than maybe a few passing comments, I've barely mentioned him. However, when I read this quote, I immediately realized not only how true it is, but how much it applies to our relationship. Maybe this is odd, considering that I might seem like the kind of person who has to be close to the people I love all the time, but it is true. I thought that today, on the thirteenth anniversary of my very first date with my husband, I should at least say something about "us."

My husband does not need me and I do not need him. This is not to say that we don't love each other and don't want to be together. It's different. Ryan is the first guy I ever dated who did not make me feel smothered. Other guys called too much or were too needy. Other guys made me feel like I was going to go crazy trying to avoid them because they always had to be around or be talking to me. Ryan, not so much. Ryan did his own thing. Ryan made me feel wanted, but not needed. Sometimes it is nice being wanted, but not needed.

I'm not suggesting that I have relationships all figured out or that my relationship is perfect. Every person has their flaws, and therefore, it is impossible for any relationship to not have flaws. All I'm saying is that having our own time and our own things seems to contribute to the healthfulness of our relationship. And the conscious decision to want to be together, yet not need each other, is one of my favorite things about the man I love and me.

1 comment:

  1. So true. In counseling couples before marriage we talk about "needing" your spouse, and how that plays into expectations unmet. I so agree with that because it alone is a huge strength in Mike and my marriage. There is a part of my life that, well frankly...freaks him nursing! :) We enjoy and love each other, but are two seperate people. Our husbands could never meet every need we have, and neither could we meet theirs. Good stuff. Good post Trischa!