Wednesday, April 22, 2009

I Hate Geese

I realize this is awful, especially on Earth Day, but I really, really hate geese. I like animals, in general. I'm not an animal rights activist, by any means, but I would not purposely hurt most animals unless my life or someone else's was in danger. However, I think I'd make an exception for geese. They are disgusting. They crap all over everything. I have no idea how they produce so much waste. Every day as I'm walking to or from my car in the work parking lot, I have to watch very carefully to ensure I don't step in a giant pile of goose crap and ruin my shoes.

Geese are also extremely mean. They do not care that you are simply trying to walk past them to get to your office so you can sit at your desk and work.. They will run after you and flap their wings if you get too close. If this doesn't make you disappear, they will take to flying and squawking and swooping at your head, like giant pooping bats.

When I was about eight months pregnant with Luke, I was the victim of a brutal goose attack. I was walking to the building after returning from lunch and I heard the screams of two of my co-workers as they ran toward me, away from a goose they had enraged by trying to walk to their car. They ran straight toward me, ducking and running for cover. As I was, at that point, the largest object in the parking lot, the goose singled me out. It came after me, flapping it's hideous, smelly wings and shrieking like a demon.

Pregnant women should not have to run from geese (or be laughed at for this by their co-workers who were watching from the 4th floor windows). I am (obviously) still traumatized by it to this day. This morning as I was walking to the office, I glance up from watching for goose crap to see a lone goose, standing in my path. I reflexively turned away from it to duck behind a car and was almost hit by an oncoming vehicle.

My point is that geese are dangerous and a menace to mankind. I propose extinction for them.

Well... maybe tomorrow. When it's not Earth Day.


  1. Lol thanks for you comments and suggestions. I do have several photographers that I keep in contact with and they all said I sould charge $75. So I think thats what I'm gonna run with. :)

  2. ROFLMAO! I had to stifle laughter while reading this at work.

    I hate geese too. At my old college, we had a man-made pond that we called "fake lake", and it came complete with imported geese. My senior year they decided to throw a fountain in the middle of Fake Lake and the geese, who were afraid of it, started invading the surrounding wetlands. They'd snap and scream at you, and you'd slip and slide while running away because the grass was full of geese guano. They're wretched, wretched creatures.